Nomalady Xujwa: “When You Empower a Mother, You Empower Her Children Too”

Be The Earth's Aura Programme supports Aura Circles — women holding their own women's circles to create quiet spaces for connecting, self-care, feminine wisdom and transforming communities; nurturing different ways of being in the world.

I can recall a time when I felt I was carrying inside a very heavy weight. For months I was bottling it up. I had lost my job because of mistrust in people — and ended up being betrayed.

Before the Aura opportunity came, I’d wanted to gather women, but I didn’t have funds. When you organise women, you need something — food, a place, something small to share. I didn’t have that capacity.

Then Be The Earth provided a little bit of funding through Aura, and that became a transforming moment for me. That’s where I started to blossom again, after the hope and trust that I lost. 

Being able to gather women, sit with them, and look at them — not feeling sorry for myself anymore, but feeling proud to hold the space — changed me. If I could do the Aura circle with women, that means that I can do anything that I put my mind to.

I would also like to express gratitude for my mentor, Nowhi Nozibele Mdayi, who played a huge role in my life — training, encouraging, and empowering me. I'm grateful to be around her aura; her dedication to others speaks volumes. I love her.

I found myself laughing again. I began looking at life differently. I stopped being so hard on myself. In the circle there’s no right or wrong. You just flow and be you. There’s no judgment.

It’s a clean, sacred, safe space — that I created for the women and for myself.

We gather once a month. At the beginning, I asked the women to draw or write what they wanted the circle to become — what outcomes did they hope for? When I listened, I realised most of us were broken.

So our first phase was about loving yourself.

We had sessions about self-love and self-acceptance. We asked questions like: What kind of woman are you? What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses? We talked about embracing life again and understanding ourselves.

When I look at ourselves, we are like onions. When you first see an onion, you don’t know what is inside. But when you start peeling the layers, you realise the juiciness of the onion inside. You cry when you cut it — but you cannot cook a meal without it. It brings the richness.

Women are the same. When we peel the layers, we discover the beauty and purpose within us.

Once we had worked on ourselves, we moved to what I call phase two. Now we felt looser, lighter. We felt free. We felt like we could approach the world again with positive thinking. So we began doing more adventurous things together — hiking, beach walks, picnics. We had fun. We laughed.

Nature became an important part of our circle. As black African women, many of us were not used to embracing nature. Sometimes we think walking in nature is something only other people do. But when we began walking by trees, along a beach, it gave us freedom.

You could see it happening. Some women would just sit quietly, others were crying. Others would write in journals. Some just breathed and listened to the silence. No one had to explain themselves. It was their space to do whatever, to release whatever was bothering them.

You can be a sangoma, a Christian, whoever you want to be. We accept you. We are women.

I’ve also learned to understand my own aura first. Sometimes we say people don’t like us, but we must also ask: what energy are you giving to people? It’s very important to understand your own aura so that you don’t blame people all the time. Always be that person that brings light to others.

One thing I love about our circle is how women recognise each other’s strengths and gifts. Some women are very skilled with beadwork or sewing. Others have different skills, so when we gather, we learn from each another. I couldn’t sew, and didn’t have an interest in it. But now if something tears, I can take a needle and fix it. Exchanging those skills has been amazing.

Some women don’t like to talk, but we don’t exclude them from our circle. I realised they are powerful ones as well. Because they only talk when they have something powerful to say, something that touches you. Having those quieter people in your circle you learn that no one is above anyone else. We are equal.

We have one woman who’s not working, and her child couldn’t go to crèche. We decided together that we would help, because children are so precious. They need to be with other children. We didn’t say I am paying for it. We said we will find a way. That is confidence. That is power.

One day in the circle we did an exercise where we asked: If you could be any bird or animal, what would you be?

I said I wanted be an eagle — high in the sky, seeing everything, noticing everyone who is struggling and helping them along. That’s in my heart.

The support we received from Be The Earth may seem small, but for us it’s a big thing. With that little support we can sit together for three or four hours, empowering women and mothers. 

And when you empower a mother, you empower her children too.